today wasn't that bad. woke up quite early but i'm just refuse to get out of my bed. rotting on my bed, million of things running through my mind. i did lot of thinking today. since the very beginning till now. from stranger become friend till today either sweet memories or sad I don't try to remember us but when I do, it brings a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye. i ready make up my mind i gonna lock all this memories in my heart, this will be my last time think back about every single moment with you memories is the one keep pulling me, and keep reminding me of you i don't want to think about it anymore that why i locked it at the deepest corner of my heart. maybe one day i will thanks you for making me stronger. My heart never breaks, it just goes through a process of getting stronger. There are reasons we met, reasons for the good and the bad times, and more importantly, a reason to an end. We have more to learn, more to experience, and more loving left in this lifetime. Although time may dry the tears from my eyes, time will not erase you from my heart. this will be my last time missing you....
"Having the love of your life break up with you and saying we can still be friends, is like your dog dying and your mom saying you can still keep it!"
lastly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OLIVIA MAH WAI HSIEN & CHIONG SEN SIN
-I was happy without any reason to live until I found one and lost it.-
Saturday, July 19, 2008;10:49 PM
alone at home, spent whole day cleaning my room. now my room is so clean and neat but i'm sure that it will be messy again. while cleaning my room, one of my friend called me. frankly, i was so happy that he called me. well, we didn't talk on the phone for ages we had a nice talk, and finally he open out to me he share his problems with me,and i be his listener somehow, after talking to him i felt better, (i was quite sad before this) my mood became better mood swing again.
this weekend my daddy is back to jb. i didn't see him for 3 weeks. miss him so much. as usual he always come to my room before he go to bed so yesterday night he came to my room a very short conversation between me and him
i sat in front of the computer daddy: your friend not coming over and makan anymore?? me:(must be mummy tell him about it) emmm.... daddy: anything happen recently?? me: nothing... daddy: if got any problems must tell daddy k. daddy will always be here for you. me:em...
seriously i was so touch at the moment there so much i want tell you but i don't know where to start and how to tell you everything. maybe they do realise something is not right with me my mummy and daddy have been asking me about him i don't know what to tell and what to say maybe one day i will they your the truth but not now. i'm not ready yet.
tmr is the 20th. will i be alone again? definitely will be tough for me tmr. will it be a better day tmr???
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart.
Friday, July 18, 2008;8:26 PM
Do you ever curious about What the Different Colors of Roses Mean?
Here are some colors and their meanings:
Red - Love, Romance, Beauty, Passion, I love you; Desire, Courage; Respect Red (Dark or Burgundy) - Unconscious beauty Red -Withered - I would rather die, Our love is over White - Purity, Youth, Pure Love, Virginal, Innocence and purity, I am worthy of you, You're heavenly Pink - Happiness, Appreciation, Thankfulness, Grace, Gentle Love, Please believe me Dark Pink - Gratitude, Thank You Yellow - Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Delight, Platonic Love, Jealousy, Freedom Yellow with Red Tip - Falling in Love Orange - Fascination, Desire, Passion, Enthusiasm Red and White - Two colors; Passionate Purity, Unity Peach - Sincerity, Gratitude, Appreciation, Modesty, Admiration, Sympathy Lavender - Love at first sight, Enchantment Black - Death, Farewell Blue - Impossible, Unattainable, Mystery Red Rosebud - Symbol of Purity and Loveliness White Rosebud - Girlhood, Youth Thornless Rose - "Love at First Sight" Single Rose - Simplicity Two Roses - An engagement or coming marriage Leaves - Symbol of hope Roses-Sent every month - Beauty ever new
i think yellow roses is most suitable for me now. it signify my feeling and my situation.
Yellow roses in their unassuming charm and sweet simplicity send out an equally alluring message. Colors range from light yellow to golden. Yellow roses express joy, gladness, and friendship. They are given to new mothers, newlyweds, and graduates. They're also used as a reminder to a loved one to show that you care.
Friendship and ?I care? are the foremost meanings of a yellow rose. Unrestrained and uninhibited as the breeze,free from attachments, the yellow rose definitely says that the sender is keen on friendship alone. Here, you will not find the heat of passion, only the warmth of a genuine and sincere smile. The sender of yellow roses delicately indicates that while his affection is straight from the heart, there are no hidden depths.
Unbridled joy is another meaning of a yellow rose. Therefore, yellow roses are often congratulatory in tone. Yellow roses are given to celebratenew beginnings.These delicate flowers proudly laud an accomplishment, a consummation or a fulfillment. You simply cannot do without yellow roses when you send flowers to express joy and pride in another's achievement.
The color yellow was interpreted as a ?pale" color during the early Victorian period. They had shades of negative meanings ranging from lukewarm affection to jealousy. They indicated a frame of mind that was on the one hand lacking in fervor, while on the other mutinous and envious in tone. But, the yellow rose has overcome these negative intonations and now mean "warm and sunny" affection, joy and pleasure.
Another truly wonderful meaning of a yellow rose is that it indicates adetermination to start anew, to begin afresh.A rift, a misunderstanding, or a quarrel that needs to be mended - these are all set right by yellow roses."Let's put it all behind us and start a fresh page", the yellow rose humbly tries to persuade. Yellow roses are conciliatory and appeasing in their symbolism.
Yellow roses are sometimes tinged with sorrow. The yellow rose bids adieu and saysfarewell. The impending departure is reason enough for a little distress, but there is also joy that newer prospects may usher in. Yellow roses speak well as messengers of good luck, andleave-taking.
Human nature being what it is, there is nothing in this world that is free from a little negative nuance. The yellow rose sometimes symbolizes infidelity in love. A waning of passion, a "bloodless" love that no longer throbs with pleasure is what a yellow rose seeks to convey between lovers. Yellow rose is a word of caution if things are not going well in a relationship.
The yellow rose within marriage implies sweet domesticity and familiar love. Contentment, everlasting joy and a sense of snugness are what the yellow roses convey here. A love that has matured with age and no longer seeks to achieve impossible heights, a relationship secure in the knowledge of its strengths - the yellow rose stands for steadfast affection.
All roses seek to convey varying textures and shades of affection. The wealth of meaning in a yellow rose lies in its delicate shade of sunny yellow, a color of richness, warmth and joy.
i realised that my mood getting a bit funny recently i can be very happy, the next moment i will be sitting there keeping silence seriously i don't know what to do. mood swing getting bad to worst. definitely is not PMS for sure. it can't be menopause cos i'm still so young not even 18 yet. Well, it's friday again. had chemistry and physics test today. frankly speaking both papers was tough i didn't know how to do. i fly MS class today for certain reason i don't usually skip class, i'm a good girl i only late for class but i hardly even skip class this is my first time fly MS went movie with gang of fren at tebrau city The Dark Knight
is quite nice the movie. it last for 155 mins. through out the 2 hrs of movie, that lots of things running through my mind. back to college and chit chatting with one of my fren after the movie since i don't feel like going home. i skip dinner again, no appetite
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON KIAT
-emotionally affected-
Sunday, July 13, 2008;7:18 PM
just now, went city square met up with my friends.. hui ling, wei min and xiao bai. joanne suppose to join us in the end she can't make it we catch up with each other bout college life and did a little bit of gossiping. when girls meet up, obviously will go for shopping and gossiping so long never meet up with them,esp huiling the last time i saw them was in sch when we collected our spm result so can't you imagine how much i miss them
basically what we did the whole day was shopping,shopping and shopping. seriously, i don't know what wrong with me, i had been spending lot lately i spent RM100++ on shopping today.. and i still haven get the jacket that i wanted to buy really pokai. i bought 1 shirt from FOS and it size is XL. your must be thinking i'm crazy but i just love that shirt so much is so nice and comfortable to wear.the most important thing is. it only cost RM25..
this is what i bought
1 pair of shoe, 2 shirts, 1 bracelet and 1 present box(not in the picture)
bought this from sugar the bracelet with my name on it.
Extra Large shirt from FOS. simply love it.
Dear Readers,
i broke my promise yesterday night.. it's hard to let everythings go. but i'm trying my best
-is promise meant to be broken-
Saturday, July 12, 2008;3:43 PM
currently, i'm broke today only 12 of July, not even half of the month , yet i spent 2/3 of my monthly allowances. where did my money go?? SHOPPING!!!
Wednesday was a public holiday.. but this time i wasn't alone. i spent most of my day with sports. i was out for 12 hrs. i went and play table tennis and snooker with mufians at Austin Height. then , pei meet us for lunch. i really loves playing sports. from 10a.m till 5.30p.m, we were playing table tennis and snooker. how tiring is that. we can't even stand properly after the games. then, i went ponderosa. my initial plan was just go there take a bath and have my dinner. when i reach there, i thought they will be lot of people crowding at the pool side since is a public holiday. suprisingly, only few of them were there to swim. so i decided to go for swimming. at the moment, i thinks i must be crazy. after the whole day of sport, now swimming pulak. i actually quite afraid, what if i got cramp halfway through swimming. luckly, it didn't happen. after bathing, when makan at the club house also. i was alone there. the ONLY customer. maybe is because the place is under renovation. the only reason i chose to eat there is because i can charge everything to my dad's account so i no need to spend a single cent. cos i'm really broke. after dinner meet up with pei, went and shop for the present for Azmeer cos is his bdae the next day. we bought him a very cute caterpillar. i saw a few jacket in jusco. i feel like buying one of it home. but it really expensive .ard RM 8O++. haihz.. reach home bout 10. tiring day.
ystd was another boring day. i was quite piss. i don't deny that. i thought i could forget everything, i thought i'm ready to let everything go, i thought i wouldn't let anything affect me, i thought i could lead a normal lifestyle, i thought..... all in all is just, i thought i could but till ystd only i realised i can't.
actually, something hit right into my mind. i thought i could take it. at that moment i just felt a sudden pain.
i had a nice talk with yan ping and shu pei at azmeer's party i just found out something from pei. i didn't know until she told me what happen the day before i broke up with him. another girl's talk something like the night we had in april's DNP the only different is no alcohol taken, no crying. seriously, i like the night we had in DNP. all of us pouring everything out even those which had hidden deep in our heart. another memories that kkg had it together.
one of my very sweet friend really concern about me lot. listen to all my nagging, care for me, advise me he is one of my friend that i can share my problems with thanks lot, colin. he explained to me lot of things. he has more experiences than me. since he 2 years older than me. thanks A pek
i just don't understand why things became like this?? avoiding is not the best way to solve the problems. is it really because of guilty?? just like what colin told me or they just don't show it but deep down they do feel something i just simply hate it those who really good at acting what is done is done want act exist like nothing happened is impossible.
i hate to be alone i hate loneliness because it just remind me of something that i don't wish to think about. it's not worth it. i got loads of other better friends so wad if i lost you as my bestie who cares.. you're the one pushing the chance away
arghhh.....
i know i'm not alone after all i got loads of bestie that really cares and concern about me
i sacrificed my study time to blog. got to study now. next week having progress test.
-time will heal everything-
Thursday, July 10, 2008;9:44 PM
one of my friend asked me this
"why you always go back so late?"
i answered
"no reason"
the truth is...
i'm bored staying at home..
another reason for not going home
is because
home
is another place that had so much memories
it reminded me lots of things
which i don't want to
i hate kena nagging from my mum over and over again
i hate loneliness...
i hate to have dinner alone
so..
sometimes i rather skip my dinner..
thanks to all my friends.. i'm totally fine now. i'm strong enough to overcome it. i'm alright. so don't worry about me. i'm still the happy go lucky girl just like how i was the last time. for now, i just want to concentrate in my studies 1 month plus to my mock exam. Is time for me to work hard now.
here are some pictures of my new hairstyle. new haircut, new colour. a freshly new me!!! bit like mushroom..
-innocent boy are just good at lying-
Saturday, July 05, 2008;8:50 PM
something about us doesn't seen right ever since holiday started i'm sure everyone sense it especially my college mates i know your concern about it.
just for your information, i'm currently single now. yes, we broke up. he initiated. i saw it coming. i know that we will ended up like this i thought i will be strong enough to take it but i'm not. it really hurt and hard to take it i don't deny that i dislike you cos of this at first but after i talked to one of our best friend it really make me thinks lot.
i'm not blaming you or dislike you either for now that several time i cried when you hurt me i don't blame you for that maybe i did hurt you in several ways i do not know. i really thought about everything since the very beginning until now the whole night partially it may be my fault that caused this to happen sorry for accusing you and blaming you i thinks this is the best for the 2 of us
i just hope that this incident will not affect us in other ways. i hope everything will back to normal just like how we were the last time. hope that we still friend or even close friend in the future.
dear readers, don't worry about me i'm totally fine no more crying, i promise just got a new haircut sometimes new haircut and shopping do make us feel happier
to all my friends, thanks for being with me when i needed your you know who you are especially the one that make me realised the best way of handling this. i really learn lot this time 'forgive and forget' this relationship make me grow up and be more mature to my girl friends, please,do not dislike him because of this it wasn't his fault it just that we wasn't the right one for each other
although we only been together for 2 months and 14 days through this short period of time i put in all my effort and i feels that i still loves you i have no regret been with you i treasure every moments been with you whether happy or sad every single moments is precious to me
thanks for been with me all along till now. thanks for all the memories that you had given me i'll try not to love you that way, but just as friend no matter what, u still mean something special to me. all i need for now is time.
i shall end this post with this meaningful song.
Buckcherry lead singer Josh Todd wrote this song about his wife. It is a love song about the troubles that you go through when you are in a relationship for a long time. It's also about being apart for a long time.
In an interview with radio station KNAC, Josh Todd was asked what, or who, was the inspiration for this song. Todd replied: "My wife. Just spending a long time away from her and the struggles of maintaining a relationship and being a music man, and all of that is really what 'Sorry' is about."
Sorry-Buckcherry
Oh I had alot to say Was thinking on my time away I missed you and things weren't the same Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
This time I think I'm to blame It's harder to get through the days We get older and blame turns to shame 'Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried It's never too late to make it right Oh yeah sorry
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry baby, Yeah. I'm sorry.
