currently, i'm broke
today only 12 of July, not even half of the month , yet i spent 2/3 of my monthly allowances.
where did my money go??
SHOPPING!!!

Wednesday was a public holiday..
but this time i wasn't alone. i spent most of my day with sports. i was out for 12 hrs.
i went and play table tennis and snooker with mufians at Austin Height.
then , pei meet us for lunch. i really loves playing sports. from 10a.m till 5.30p.m, we were playing table tennis and snooker. how tiring is that. we can't even stand properly after the games.
then, i went ponderosa. my initial plan was just go there take a bath and have my dinner.
when i reach there, i thought they will be lot of people crowding at the pool side since is a public holiday.
suprisingly, only few of them were there to swim. so i decided to go for swimming.
at the moment, i thinks i must be crazy.
after the whole day of sport, now swimming pulak.
i actually quite afraid, what if i got cramp halfway through swimming. luckly, it didn't happen.
after bathing, when makan at the club house also.
i was alone there. the ONLY customer. maybe is because the place is under renovation.
the only reason i chose to eat there is because i can charge everything to my dad's account so i no need to spend a single cent. cos i'm really broke.
after dinner meet up with pei, went and shop for the present for Azmeer cos is his bdae the next day.
we bought him a very cute caterpillar. i saw a few jacket in jusco. i feel like buying one of it home. but it really expensive .ard RM 8O++. haihz..
reach home bout 10. tiring day.

ystd was another boring day.
i was quite piss. i don't deny that.
i thought i could forget everything, i thought i'm ready to let everything go, i thought i wouldn't let anything affect me, i thought i could lead a normal lifestyle, i thought.....
all in all is just, i thought i could but till ystd only i realised i can't.

actually, something hit right into my mind.
i thought i could take it.
at that moment i just felt a sudden pain.

i had a nice talk with yan ping and shu pei at azmeer's party
i just found out something from pei.
i didn't know until she told me what happen the day before i broke up with him.
another girl's talk something like the night we had in april's DNP
the only different is no alcohol taken, no crying.
seriously, i like the night we had in DNP.
all of us pouring everything out
even those which had hidden deep in our heart.
another memories that kkg had it together.

one of my very sweet friend really concern about me lot.
listen to all my nagging, care for me, advise me
he is one of my friend that i can share my problems with
thanks lot, colin.
he explained to me lot of things. he has more experiences than me. since he 2 years older than me. thanks A pek

i just don't understand why things became like this??
avoiding is not the best way to solve the problems.
is it really because of guilty??
just like what colin told me
or they just don't show it
but deep down they do feel something
i just simply hate it those who really good at acting
what is done is done
want act exist like nothing happened is impossible.

i hate to be alone
i hate loneliness
because it just remind me of something that i don't wish to think about.
it's not worth it.
i got loads of other better friends
so wad if i lost you as my bestie
who cares..
you're the one pushing the chance away


arghhh.....



i know i'm not alone after all
i got loads of bestie that really cares and concern about me